More Than Anxious

Time flies so fast. Like when you accidentally sat on a remote and pressed a fast forward button.

FF >>> 12x

Then suddenly two months from now I’ll be a wife, a lifetime partner of a man who deliberately (or not?) spend the rest of his life with me. Wow, feels like I just won a lottery. I mean, he gave me his precious kulit ayam McD, he allows me poking, biting, annoying him while he’s playing GTA-V which is great coz’ one day he’ll face a way more irritating version of me.

Anyway, I asked him what we will do after marriage, and turned out we have no idea. Starts living separately from my family like a true couple, designing our very own space, buying expensive stuff we’d like to have, traveling somewhere and then what? Counting our ages, approximately we’ll have around 53 years to spend together. Damn, that is A LOT of time right??

Yes, I think about having children. But err that’s a whole different case. Let’s worry that later.

I don’t know. I don’t know whether if I had these wedding jitters or am I just afraid of something. In my life I’ve always been afraid that people will get bored of me. Thinking about spending 50 years with the same person, will he ever get bored of me? Will he raise his hands in our 20th anniversary and say ‘give me a break’? Or will he find someone more attractive with new tricks and less boring than me?

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*sigh* Maybe I watched too much drama and they’re getting under my skin. Sneaking in to my brain, quietly change the way I think about marriage life. Especially the ones with the divorce stuff. Like how can the most romantic couple ever break they vow and hate each other? How scary only to think about how “Time” can change people’s feeling.

Well, to be honest what driving me to get married a.s.a.p is that I feel so comfortable and safe with him. He’s the best place I want to be with every single day. Sounds lyrical, but hey lyric comes from the heart right? So, I don’t wanna lose my comfort, because I am selfish so let’s get married! -> This is the reason why I don’t care if my guests hear a mix tape not a live band (coz’ live band is F expensive. You don’t even look up to see who is singing no? You’ll be busy queuing for bakso or ice cream anyway).

Thank you so much for wasting your time to read my almost endless blabber of anxiousness of becoming a bride. The counting down is sucks (OMG, two months left!)

I’m fidgeting right now and tomorrow probably till the d-day comes.

Ciao.

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